Vishal Jadhav

New Year’s Resolution- A New Year’s resolution is a commitment that a person makes to one or more personal goals, projects, or the reforming of a habit.

It’s that time of the year when everyone makes resolutions and mostly never keeps them. So, I thought why not give it a try and I’m an expert at failure after all, so here we go –

To suck at things –

I have decided to blog once every week, so if you’re annoyed with my blogs already now’s the time to unsubscribe from my facebook and blog feed. I know I’m going to suck at it but I’m going to do it anyway and give myself the permission to suck. Importantly, I should (mostly) enjoy doing it and feel of value and achievement.

It’s a thing that keeps me sane, puts my day dreaming to work and helps me from not going completely useless. And, I would be lying if I don’t feel good when there’s adulation or even better when some of the more technical things have helped people. It’s a lesson I learned from playing angry birds, you can easily get past the levels but to get those damned three stars you have to play it over and over again. So, I ‘m going to suck at blogging this year.

To be self-centered and cynical –

There is some sense of moral goodness in me which finds happiness when I help people. I don’t know why, but it feels good; there is something about kindness and generosity that connects with me and probably with everyone. I think it’s just disappointing when you expect and people choose not to reciprocate or most of the times just show apathy towards society.  But, you can’t change people, you can only change yourself, be cynical.

I would like to change myself; be more aware and active towards society, I want to help out, volunteer, encourage in my own ways. I’m no social activist, and from some past experiences it can be tiring and unrewarding. But I do feel the need to be more responsible, also I feel fortunate to have things I have and want to help those who are less fortunate or in need. More importantly though, I’m self-centered and I want to feel good about myself. For concreteness, I have decided to do volunteer once every month for a helping/charity event.

To be a bookworm–

There’s certain part of me that died some time before that used to like reading. Now, my new kindle paperwhite is collecting dust. I enjoy watching movies much more, who wants to spend hours and hours finishing those damn books. But, from what little I can understand and remember when I have invested in reading books, it’s been as much enjoyable as anything else if not more. There is a certain laborious nature about it but ultimately it feels more rewarding, also from what I read apparently it improves your memory and has other benefits.

Regardless though, I have decided to read more books this year. I don’t know how I’m going to do it,  especially with amount of movies and television I watch. And when I can’t read two lines before travelling into wonderlands and alternate realities or fighting the war against aliens or delivering speech for winning the Oscar for best actor/writer/director. I know so random but that’s me and I’m an all-rounder. The way I have decided is reading something every other night before bed. And I have lots to read, starting with the brief history of time.

Now, honestly this might all seem a bit silly and it might as well be, but I am unfortunately constantly in need for inspiration and motivation and this might provide some of it. And, I am going to do my best to keep these resolutions, I may not succeed but either way I am going to make an honest attempt and that’s the point of it.

In any case there’s nothing to lose, and neither am I restricted to only these things but I would have little less self-loathing and probably be a better person in my own eyes if I do these things over the year.

So now, what will you suck at this year?

Here are five types of most annoying users on facebook -

LAME-LIKES SELF PLEASER - 

Don’t like your own posts, it’s self-servient and embarrassing. It’s like giving a hi-fi to yourself or laughing at your own joke. Please STOP doing this for your and his sake -

And don’t be obsessed with likes! It’s not money, nor fame. If anything it’s a lame ego boost which you don’t need.

POSTING SPREE MONSTER(S) - 

I don’t understand why people will on posting spree sometimes, they make status updates profusely to be “cool” and make their presence felt on facebook. I could care less but maybe you’re just using a wrong tool for your lame job(s)-

 

Facebook not equal to twitter - Don’t go posting updates for every second of your life, frankly no one cares and I am afraid your updates might be hidden already and you might be on my losers-who-posts-often list -

Today’s a bad day!…The day gets worse!….This is the worst day of my life!

-Has posting it on facebook (again) made it better?

Just went to the bathroom, guess if it was no1 or no2? ..tee..hee..

- I hope you get dysentery!

If you find yourself updating your status more than 5 times a day — remember there’s twitter for that annoying chirpiness and don’t you have work?

Facebook not equal to dropbox/picasa - I know you’re really happy about the last cool place you visited but don’t post 1000 photos of your trip on facebook (unless you’re a photographer). I don’t see a reason why you would ? There are better services suited towards doing this. Don’t post a butt-load of content to facebook!

Facebook not equal to google chat - Some people get into this long conversations on facebook wall(s) which I never understand, I find it more funny than lame to be honest. It seems that they have no one else to talk to and I see someone wishing happy birthday and then conversation ends after over 25 comments of losers-unite-feel-good talk!

BAZILLION PEOPLE TAGGER - 

I have seen many of my friends tag me and million other people on one of their photos – sometimes to give good wishes for a event, sometimes just to let me know something they did or sometimes just to screw with me. Either way, don’t make me HATE you!

BOTHERSOME APPS/QUIZ SENDER - 

I will say this once; I don’t care for your farm, fish, mafia and other imaginary stuff, enjoy it yourself! STOP sending me invitations/updates for sending you a cow, feeding your fish or knocking off someone for your mafia.

Who is secretly stalking me? Am I 50% or 90% awesome (of course 100%)? Who wants to kill me or how will I die?  Will I be a frog or a lion in next life? What the hell does my daily fortune say? STOP asking/sending me all those stupid quizzes, astrology is bullshit, and I have no intention of subscribing to it.

Yes, I don’t think the alignment of stars in the sky has any effect on earthly things.

And to those who ask me to repost a message to 100 or more friends else a calamity will befall on me. I hate you, I hate you and I HATE you more! There’s a repost if you wanted one. Instead of begging for likes and reposts, shoudn’t you just make your stuff more likeable and awesome.

DISCONNECTED SOCIALIZER -

How many times have you seen people when during lunch fiddling with their phone and checking/posting their Facebook updates and are hardly paying attention to actually people around them. Facebook is for connecting with people, maybe even for arguing with people more importantly for stalking people but it is certainly not and should not be used to disconnect from people.

Please keep your phones away when you’re with people, and if you’re posting/updating facebook all the time you’re out for lunch, then maybe for you as the oatmeal puts it –

Life isn’t about having amazing experiences; it’s about making mediocre experiences look AWESOME on Facebook.

In any case, I feel a lot of people don’t even realize but are little too much addicted to facebook. If you check your facebook more than couple of times a day, you’re addicted to facebook, period! Please get off facebook and DO things – Read, learn, know people, play, build, write, explore, discover and find real happiness.

This post is a rant (what a surprise!), but it’s not merely to poke fun/offend people but making people aware, and I myself have done some of these silly things but let’s not do it anymore, peace! And facebook is great for what it is, there are perks for using it but it’s a tiny part of life, give it the tiniest importance and don’t abuse it.

More important is doing stuff and essentially making your life worthwhile and enjoyable. Do more of that, and yes then if you want, share it on facebook. But, if you do enough awesome stuff, heck people will post about you on their facebook updates.

If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

I recently worked closely with fullcalendar and as with any plugin customizing/tweaking it took a little bit of research. One of the prominent ones was trying to set the background color of certain days. So, below are few of the things that I found after some research.

Coloring certain days with a different background color in month view of fullcalendar- 

Ex- Coloring holidays with a different color. There is surprisingly no simple way to achieve this, you can color your events easily but not entire days. Also, the way fullcalendar’s code works it is not possible just to use a jquery selector to get that particular cell using its class name and then set a css background property for it. It actually uses a table and div together with absolute positioning to layout elements. There is also a feature request for the same but I didn’t see anything materialized.

The only way to color is to know the corresponding td’s class name for that cell. The way fullcalendar is setup, the td’s class names are unique to that page but not to the calendar. So, in the month view they will be unique to that month and they will be named starting with the first visible cell –  fc-day-0, fc-day-1 so on..till fc-day-41 but will remain the same when you scroll through months of the calendar.

So, when I took a closer look at the full calendar view object api. The visStart attribute on the monthView parameter passed to the eventRender function gives you the first visible date and therein lies your clue. Once you know what is the first visible date you can use that along with the dates that are passed for your events to get the date difference and then you can calculate the respective (fc – day- date-diff) class name.

Ex – if you are passing the events from your json feed, event title for holidays is “Holiday” then compare title and then get the days difference from the first visible date and holiday’s date. With the date difference appended to “fc-day” you can get the corresponding class and then you can add css property of background color to it, here’s the code sample -

eventRender: function (event, element, monthView) { 
if (event.title == "HOLIDAY") { 
var one_day = 1000 * 60 * 60 * 24; 
var _Diff = Math.ceil((event.start.getTime() - monthView.visStart.getTime()/(one_day)); 
var dayClass = ".fc-day" + _Diff; 
$(dayClass).addClass('holiday-color'); 
}

Thus from the above code you can see we can get the corresponding holiday’s cell class and then set the background color for that. Now although everyone’s case and usage of the full calendar will be different, the important thing to note is how i found the respective class name and that’s all you need to color that day.

Also, remember that you would need to clear these class names on month change or else they will stay the same background color for all the months. Therefore, you might want/need to manage the navigation of the calendar manually using gotodate and then using jquery’s removeClass() selector to clear out the class names. What you need to do is bind the click event of your fullcalendar’s next and previous month buttons and do something like-

$("#nextMonthBtn").click(function () {

// current year and month should be maintained, can be accessed on loading attribute of the fullcalendar

//manually manage navigation

$('td').removeClass('holiday-color');

calRef.fullCalendar('gotoDate', _currentYear, _currentMonth, 1) });

Hopefully this will save people some time when messing with the fullcalendar plugin.

We recently faced an issued mentioned in Phil Haack’s post, which essentially is ajax calls returning a login page due to a redirect within a div/frame/page instead of displaying its own. The problem was related to displaying a popup letting the users know that their session is about to end and he will be logged out unless he chooses to stay on the site.

In a quest to fix the issue correctly, I ran across different inter-connected terms and lot of confusion hence this post for other lost souls out there.  Firstly let’s understand the different timeouts you have in asp.net – (This stackoverflow post has the best layman explanation about the difference between both timeouts.)

• Forms authentication timeout-
  • So this is when a user logs in and it creates a authcookie for the user, it is the timeout for expiration of that cookie, so for inactivity on the website for greater than that time it will log you out and force you to login again.
  • Also, if sliding expiration is true (by default it is) it resets the expiration time if a request is made after more than half of the timeout has elapsed or else if false it will be an absolute timeout after which user will have to login again.

• Session State timeout-
  • It is created when user goes to the website regardless of authentication and in our case we were storing user’s data inside the session cookie created for authentication/identification purposes.
  • So, it is the timeout for inactivity on the website for user’s session data and it will be reset if any request is sent within that time to the server.
  • In our case, we were actually setting the session data again if your session expires before authcookie. Therefore this timeout almost was neglected in our case.

We can easily do an timeout popup using javascript using the setTimeout() function. The problem obviously is that the javascript timeout value is reset every time the page is reloaded.

Now, knowing this about timeouts when an user’s session is about to expire, we need to display a popup to the user and ask if they still want to stay logged in. If yes, then extend the session and stay logged in or else log out the user. The important thing is displaying this timeout at the right time and additionally then also automatically logging off the user if no action is performed.

Here are the lines in web.config for setting session timeout -

<system.web>
<sessionState timeout=”30″></sessionState>

For setting forms authentication timeout -

<authentication mode=”Forms”>
<forms loginUrl=”~/Account/LogOn” timeout=”40″ />
</authentication>

So ideally you would want your forms authentication timeout at least twice the amount of session timeout. Also as you are aware javascript timeout is reset every time you reload the page keep in mind that at the same time when you reload a page it is a server side request hence the asp.net timeouts will be reset.

In our case we made sure that javascript timeout was set to half the value of forms authentication timeout. So if  forms authentication timeout is 40 mins your javascript timeout should be set to 20 mins. This way at any time when the user clicks yes to the timeout popup you know half the time has elapsed and it will reset the session as mentioned previously the timeout value won’t be reset if sent earlier than half the time and the session will expire.

Now, you would additionally want to automatically log out the user if he stays idle after the timeout popup and does not choose any action. As, otherwise he might see the same dreaded login page within the div if he clicks any ajax link within the page as his session has already expired. To avoid this set a timeout on the popup too, say about 2-5 min and after that exceeds automatically log out the user.

Example – If Form authentication timeout=40 mins, javascript timeout=18 mins, popup timeout=2 mins and session timeout=20 mins and make sure you reset the the session cookie if it expires before. Here’s is excerpt of javascript timeout to do the same -

var modalTimeout=120000; // popup auto logoff timeout = 2 mins
var timeOut =”@FormsAuthentication.Timeout.ToString()”; // get the value for forms timeout
var timeOutInMinutes = parseFloat(timeOut.substr(3,2))/2; //  half the value of forms timeout
if(timeOutInMinutes > 0)
{
setTimeout(function() {
$(‘a#popup’).trigger(‘click’); //trigger the popup as half the time as expired..
logoutTimer = setTimeout(function(){
window.location = ‘~/LogOff’; // logoff url
}, modalTimeout); // inner timeout function automatically logging off the user after 2 mins
},(timeOutInMinutes * 1000 * 60) – modalTimeout); // outer timeout function for displaying popup
}
}

I hope this will help people trying to mess with asp.net timeouts and keep in mind this is what worked for us but your case may be different just make sure you understand how the timeouts work, that is more important.

Image Credits -

1. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HuG4EofLkDA/TmC_WS3MPNI/AAAAAAAAAh8/Fhnug5dtw3A/s1600/timeout.gif

I have a 45 min work drive and it’s not too bad but at times it can be pain, because I drive on I635 which without a doubt should be one of the suckiest highways to drive on. Anyways, for those who are like me here are a few ideas that will help you make these long work drives little better -

Set up your music system -

You don’t want to listen radios mindless jibber jabber and advertisements for all that long work drive. You would want to load up your phone with stuff that you may like – good music, podcasts, audiobooks etc. I think it is important that you make good/productive use of your work drive.

All you need is an auxiliary port or an USB port but if you drive an old car like me then you would need a cassette mp3 player (assuming you have a cassette player) you can get one under $10 bucks. No cassette player–then you would need a FM transmitter. I have a Griffin iTrip (since my cassette player got stuck) it works pretty good but as with all transmitters few times it just gives up and has some static.

An optional thing you may get is a car phone/holder which you can just mount your phone and use it easily (navigation, music, answering calls). Do a little research before you get one as I got this one and it kind of doesn’t “suck”, I mean literally the suction cup does’t suck at all and keeps falling down hence i got double side sticking/mounting tape and put that sucker on it. Works right now, let’s hope it continues to work.

**JACKASS WARNING**: Nothing is important than -  DON’T text and drive, be careful and pay attention when you are driving; Life’s precious be responsible and aware when you drive. And for special jackasses like me -

• Don’t watch videos while driving.
• Don’t have breakfast especially that requires spoons.
• Don’t have drinks without lids.(you would have to be “special” for this!!)

Find and remember alternatives routes -

Another thing you should be prepared with I feel is backup alternative routes. They have been many times where I was just sitting in the traffic for hours when I could have just taken an exit and taken an alternative route. I know how dumb but people still do that, or even worse happens when you take an exit and then trying to figure out or route your map you end up spending more time than you would otherwise.

It is better to be well versed in your mind with couple of alternative routes so that you spend less time figuring out or staying put on crowded highways. I still feel it’s important to have some sort of mental map of roads and not be completely handicapped without your gps. I feel people are way too much dependent on gps and become blind without it. Remember to be aware and pay attention to where you are going and of the times when -

•  It’s dead end - “Keep straight for 10 miles!!”
•  For eternity  - “Recalculating….”
•  In the middle of a highway - “You have arrived at your destination.”

It’s YOU time -

I feel long drives honestly have helped me quite a bit. Because I get a lot of time to myself and to think about stuff I need to do or that I should not do. It helps me to have that solitude and brainstorm and span out certain ideas. I also have listened to quite a few audio books, podcasts which I would not have otherwise and they have helped me improve my knowledge base.

I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.–Henry David Thoreau

I know despite saying all this long work drives can suck but I think it is important to not complain and to find ways to make things fun and useful. I feel with the things I have learned, long work drives have actually turned in a blessing in disguise. So, for those of who are in the same band-wagon find ways to make this drive work for yourself, make it less sucky and your life more happier.

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain.” – Henry Ford

As most of you using sql server may know it is capable of sending out emails when configured correctly. I configured database email for sql server 2005 (should be similar for 2008) and it’s a relatively straightforward process. I followed these instructions given at Sqlauthority which may I say is also the best resource to get sql server related help. Also, the important thing to remember is to carefully follow the steps and avoid silly mistakes like typing in wrong username and password. But there is just one small gotcha if you get the following exception -

Exception Message: Cannot send mails to mail server. (The SMTP server requires a secure connection or the client was not authenticated. The server response was: 5.5.1 Authentication Required.

The exception occurs (assuming you have everything else correctly setup) if you create a profile and an account and then attempt to change the existing settings and values. For some reason sql server wont allow this and it will keep giving you the above exception. The only way to get around this is start from scratch and create a new profile and then associate a new account with it. Also if you do create a new account only setting it as default profile for mail won’t work, remember to restart and update your sql server’s agent profile if you have your notifications set up to send email on job failures/success.

Hopefully this will help someone facing a similar problem.

I am not an apple hater but was neither ever an apple fanboy. I always was curious and admired apple and its products though. I became even more a fan after I bought my iPhone 4 (my only apple device). But, sadly that time has far gone and now I am pretty much waiting when I can dump apple and go for a different product. Yes, apple fanboys I no longer have any iPride – I would define it as amount of pride you have not because what you have is good but because it’s apple. For those of you don’t know iPride check this oatmeal post

But before I rebuke apple let’s get a few things out of the way. Apple makes some excellent products and probably will keep making them. The iPhone and  the iPad are both great revolutions arguably the best changes in last 10 years that have come about because of apple. So, what’s wrong right? Well quite a bit, there are few things why apple does suck -

iTunes – Where users go to die..

The worst software product apple has made by far and has never got it right. I mean how difficult to make a music transfer and purchase software. Why is it this monolithic monster which behaves like some nasty old IDE.  Why is syncing, copying and backing up such a pain in the ass. You can’t use two computers, it takes more memory than windows explorer itself, most of the users never even use or care for the plethora of wasteful features available. And even worse users don’t get a choice and have to use it. Also on another note ping will never work because of twitter and facebook seems like apple has realized that now.

I have just scratched the surface and there are quite a few other problems with iTunes. I really think iTunes has to go, and something simple and lightweight has to replace it. Don’t change it, don’t tweak it, don’t revamp it, it has to be dead as I just think it is a flawed system. The whole approach for something as simple as dragging files into my phone has been turned into a convoluted mess and it sucks ! Please apple, KILL iTunes !

Apple = Gated community

I really think of apple like a gated community, because anytime I try to do anything different with my iPhone I keep hitting closed walls.  But, I think this is the way apple works. They have a closed system, and they make sure that do small things and changes but do them right. And to apple’s credit they have done it good and I have to agree that as far as usability goes apple does do it the best at least with the iPhone.

Here let me make the classification, there are two types of users – one who just want their iPhone to work don’t care for customizing it and there’s the other half who wants it to be usable but also wants it to be customizable. I fall in the second category and hence I have a problem with apple. I want to change things with my iPhone tweak it a bit but can’t do it (jailbreak allows you more options though). Another problem is when i thought of building my iOS app other than paying $100, buying a MAC (which seems unnecessary), it seems apple has these three laws-

1. A developer may not injure Apple or, through inaction, allow Apple to come to harm.
2. A developer must obey any orders given to it by Apple, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A developer must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

As, Jeff Atwood puts its succinctly in this blog post they serve at the pleasure of the king -

That’s the problem with kings, you see. Their rule is absolute law, but they can be capricious, erratic, and impulsive. If you’re lucky enough to live under the rule of a fair and generous king, then you’ll do well. But historically speaking, monarchies have proven to be … unreliable.

It’s apple you should pay more !

Why are most of the apple products so damn expensive ? I mean I get the whole apple is superior (don’t really buy it and is not true) thing but really the newest macbook pro which let me say has a groundbreaking resolution is priced at $2200 when you can certainly get a decent laptop for $500 bucks today … so that is more than 4 times the money. And the same goes for most of the apple products. I mean can an average joe really afford an macbook pro? Lot of the apple accessories even follow the same suite – the apple’s magic mouse  is priced at  $69 (some magic it should do for justifying that price) whereas you can get a good mouse for less than $20 bucks. Apple has also been notorious for selling ebooks at a higher price.

Although having made some great products and probably will continue doing so, with their closed model and exorbitant value(at times) I feel apple is certainly going to lose some of their lead. They have certainly lost me and people like me who want to have some freedom certainly don’t expect “Androidism”. I like my iPhone but apple until you are willing to change I am not going to either. Apple fanboys rage in 1 2 …

Satyamev Jayate is a recently begun show on Indian television and it deals with prevalent social issues in India. In it’s first three episodes it has tackled issues of Female feticide, Child sexual abuse and Dowry system in India. I think it’s an important show and not to be missed watch it here and if anything this article will try to resonate with  the show’s ideas and its importance -

Before I get to it here are some ridiculous criticisms/questions thrown at the show -

• Aamir Khan charges 3 crores ! (He should do it for free, who cares if he goes bankrupt, he should be noble and also he should have just earned more money by Dhoom franchise that “idiot” is doing this for no reason)
• Social activists claim he is getting all the thunder for something they have been doing always ! (He always will, he is Aamir khan they should be happy he is doing it and not jealous)
• Rajasthan ministers accused him of being after money and not for a social cause (He’s said the truth and they have a problem with that, although they have only fast tracked the cases after his petition)
• The subject of child sexual abuse is gay and Aamir never mentioned this he is hiding the truth (Yes, he should emphasize that the guy is gay and his abuse does not matter)
• Rakhi Sawant says he stole the concept (Even if she is right (which she is not) she is Rakhi Sawant and that’s all I will say)

Let’s get a few things straight Aamir khan is no activist, he’s a entertainer and  using his celebrity status for a good cause. Also let’s be honest, most likely it might not bring any pemanent change and people will forget or even worse just stay ignorant about the issues, once the show goes off air. But I really hope it does and so this post.

The problem is we are born selfish, and with time you also become ignorant and narrow-minded, that includes me. The people are not to blame though, with over 1.6 billion people, everyone tends to think of their short term benefits. No one really thinks or talks about social evils unless it happens to them or someone close to them.

But, the people who do such hideous and atrocious things are also one of us. So, the problem is not THEIRS, it is OURS. We and only all of us collectively can change things for better of everyone. The only way things can change is through awareness and education of such social evils.

And change begins with oneself. I have heard lot of times in my family itself people who wanted boys and have aborted girls. And, I have done nothing about it. The mindset being why I should I bother and it is their own personal matter. But it is not their personal matter, as if something like this continues the boys/girls ratio will be skewed and this will lead to even worse things.

I have changed, the next time I hear anyone that I know doing this evil, I will make it a point to speak against it. I think I owe it to myself to do this, or else I might just shut up and never crib or point fingers at society when something like this happens.

Zindagi jeene ke do hi tarike hai…jo chal raha hai chalne do ya fir zimmedaari uthao usse badalne ki – Rang de basanti

Now, should we all join NGO’s and become social activists to eradicate such evils from the society. I don’t know and I probably won’t. It is not something that I feel so passionate or that I can be good at, but with my own passions I will contribute in my own way. Also, I will do my bit, to make sure that I create awareness about this among the people I know. Although utopia can never exist, I feel the important thing is bringing a change for good of everyone, however small or big it maybe.

I know there is no silver bullet for these problems. But if we can even avert one female feticide, one abuse or one dowry harassment, I think it will be a great achievement. I read this great article on Amreekan desi about satyamev jayate that I found simple and to the point also have borrowed ideas from that post.

Racial discrimination and slavery were almost a norm in the olden days, but today they are almost nowhere. And, it is because of some inspiring acts by some great people who chose to stand against it and that is what we need to do. Rome was not built in one day, neither can be India we have work towards it slowly but consistently. And hopefully one day, India will be if not completely free, certainly less eroded with such evils. Satyamev Jayate !

Sirf Hungama khada karna mera maksad nahi, Meri koshish hai ki ye surat badalni chahiye.Mere Seene me nahi to tere seene me sahi, ho kahin bhi aag…lekin aag jalni chahiye. – Satyamev Jayate

I cannot tell how many times I have wished that some of my friends did not put on a fake american accent when they spoke English. So I am going to make a case for why not to fake an accent, keep in mind though this article strictly talks about when speaking English language and not any other. Also, as the title suggests it has nothing to do with people who were born into an accent.

Now, I am no English professor nor am I really fluent in English but I have certainly got better every year than what I was. Also, I don’t think I force an accent but maybe sometimes I admit that I might be guilty of doing it and I am going to consciously make an attempt to watch it. The two most important things in speaking a language fluently are pronunciation and grammar. Everything else is secondary. Accent is something that undermines your language effectiveness and not enhances it.  Although there are some cases when fake/forced accent is good -

• Call centers – No marks for guessing why !
• Comedy – Accents are good way of impersonation and obviously meant to be taken in good humor. Here is a really funny accents clip from Russell peters

FYI : if anyone has not heard of Foreign Accent Syndrome it is a weird disorder in which people wake up with an accent that they might not have even heard of before.

Coming back though how do I (for that matter anyone) know its a fake accent you ask – well it’s no rocket science but common sense. The only way you can naturally get an accent is – if you are born into one or you have only hung out for a long time with people with an accent and you have sub-consciously started speaking like them(let me say when I say long I mean over 5-10 years at least, any less and I call your bluff ! ).

Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part. - William Hazlitt

Now, there are lot of my friends who fake an accent. Some go overboard with it trying to almost sound like an american, some only do it when they speak to Americans and some do it intermittently little bit here and there. Now before actually getting to why it’s bad, let me first speculate on reasons why people do it -

• You may genuinely think that the other person may have difficulty understanding and so you fake an american accent.
• You almost sub-consciously start speaking certain words and sentences in accent as you have been hanging out with Americans a lot.
• You think it’s cooler than your (Indian) accent and want to adopt it and also in a way to blend in better (future immigrants warning ! ).
• You are a wannabe and don’t know any better.

The last point depicts people who have never interacted with any white folks  let alone live with or around them and still have an accent. Probably, fresh out of a 007 flick or latest Hip hop song, and they say to house servants- ” Yo, Raemu kaeka fetch ma one tea,will you ? ” . To which Ramu kaka might say – “Saheb aaj sakalich talli ka? (Are you drunk in the morning itself ?)”

Worst are those who have incorporated their fake accent even into their own native languages. So, basically they end up sounding the same no matter what language they are speaking. In the end it is all silly and pretentious.

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you? ~ Fanny Brice

Now, why is it so bad to force an accent really, it should not be such a big deal right. Well here are few reasons why I think it is bad -

• Firstly, when you fake it the other person can tell you are faking it and that certainly does not leave a good impression.
• At times it is so bad that the other person can’t even understand what you are saying because of your forced accent. As, you are skipping consonants and rolling your tongue all over the place. They might have very well understood it if only you had spoken clearly.
• Even if you end up faking it really well almost like an American, what’s the point of it ? Your accent is what makes you different from others. It is a part of YOU and if not be proud you have certainly no reason to hide it. Also, imagine a world without accents how boring would that be ?

I agree natural accents can be difficult at times to grasp and we should be willing to repeat (or even say certain words differently) for people at times to communicate clearly. Saying certain words differently so as to communicate I think is fine at times because there is no way around it.  But even if you are clear sometimes people are stubborn and don’t even make an attempt to understand you, in that case it is better to stop interacting with them.

Now, two things that I would like to say in process of changing forced accents- Learn/Remind/Aware yourself constantly to prevent doing it and remember your accent is not a negative thing. It is only bad if it undermines your ability to communicate effectively and in that case you should learn to pronounce words correctly and tone down your accent. But, please do not put a fake accent on because not only it will not solve your problem but give rise to more.

Winding up, this post was not (and hopefully didn’t come across as) a rant nor meant for picking on people who force an accent but it was to convince if I can that fake accents are not something you should put on instead that you should get rid off. Language is beautiful and it also reflects and teaches respective culture, philosophy, history and geography as I recently found out. Immerse yourself in learning and enriching yourself from it rather than opting for pretense.

To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up. ~ Oscar Wilde

Alright, let me first get some things out of the way. This article is not for people who are motivated and go to the gym regularly, nor for people who are not interested and are ignorant about going to the gym. This post is also not about why you should go to the gym or about how should your gym workout be in case you go regularly. This article is for lazy bums like me who know we have to go to the gym to stay healthy, find a good routine and ways to get motivated to go to the gym regularly. Since, at least in my case all I do is really sit in front of my computer for 8+ hours and certainly does not help staying healthy. I certainly have had a gym membership for ever but have just been a royal member yet who shows up from time to time -

I have tried and seen bunch of ways which I will mention later and the only way that has worked is going directly to the gym from work. Although, when i say worked I mean have been going to the gym more or less regularly for 2 months. And 2 months is probably not enough time to jump to conclusions. But, nevertheless I have a feeling that I am doing something right for a change and wanted to share it with everyone who might face similar issues.

Alright so if I assume you go work/study for 8 hrs in a day (if you don’t you have bigger concerns !). There are 4 times of the day you can go to the gym -

Early Bird (Morning routine)- If you are one of those who wakes up early in morning to have enough time to go to the gym and come back. Kudos to you! But then you are certainly not one of those special individuals like me i.e. slackers for whom I am writing this article. So don’t worry my fellow night owls this one is definitely not for us.

Afternoon breaker (Afternoon routine) – Another way would be if you take a break from school or work before lunch (can’t imagine someone going to the gym after lunch)  and hit the gym. I suppose this might work for some people as long as your workplace is cool with it and certainly the second most viable option.

Evening Earner (Evening routine) -  Now, this is the time I follow but the only difference being I go directly from work to the gym. The other way would be come home freshen up and eat something and then go. Sounds perfect right, well no and truth is stranger than fiction here’s why-

• After little bit of relaxing-”Well today I feel sore I will just go regularly from tomorrow.”
• Your fellow “couch” roommate says – “Dude let’s go out for movie/dinner/club or anywhere but the gym” and you fall for it.
• You come home hungry and all you want to do is eat !! and then after that all you want to do is sleep !!
• You come home you’re tired and you just want to rest a little and next thing you know it is morning.
• And many more like, Well today’s just not good , My buddy is not coming today, I feel weak, I feel really hungry, Let me just kill this last splicer in bioshock — I feel anything but going to the gym.

Night Owl (Night Routine) – I think this might work too for some people especially for night owls. As long as you go before dinner, but really coming back to my audience including me the motivation factor of going to the gym after lying in your bed after 8.00/8.30 pm is next to nothing and I might just end up playing another round of grand theft auto.

So, as I said I think going gym directly after work is probably the easiest and the one which might need the least motivation once you just get the knack of it. It is not going to be easy nothing is easy. But, I certainly think it is one that has highest probability of working as it takes out lot of the negative factors for people like me that going home brings in ! Here are a few other advantages that you might have -

• Miss the evening going work traffic unless you’re back home in India and then you might not even bother or if you drive on I635 like me which is just like home.
• Feel slightly if not a lot refreshed after the gym and have motivation to do something afterwards which is very difficult to find otherwise.
• You don’t need anyone to have company at least it is less of a  need as compared to other cases although I think it’s certainly nice if you have gym buddy.

Finally some of things you should buy if you go for this route is a nice gym bag with shoes compartment, a deodorant ,shower gel and good lock for your stuff.

I know everyone is different and different things work for different people. But if you are like me then you couch potato shut up and listen to me because I have been there.

Seriously though, going to the gym is important for sedentary people and make sure your find a good routine that you can stick to and be consistent. It is not something I enjoy to be honest but it is certainly one you need to do. I can’t tell you how many times older people have told me how they regretted not going to the gym and staying healthy. Don’t quit, stay fit and eat healthy !

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something will take it’s place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever… — Lance Armstrong